Building Relationships:
Finding Hope in God’s Love

Deuteronomy 31:6 “Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

Imagine trying to support someone who is battling depression or emotional stress. You tell them to be strong and courageous, assuring them that the Lord is watching over them. It is easy for the believer to say this when they are not amid this kind of struggle themselves. But when you are the one facing a struggle and trying to rely on an unseen God, it becomes a difficult task.

Hearing an adult say, "I understand; life is tough; it will pass," can be discouraging, particularly for a young person. It seems to diminish the difficulty of expressing their feelings in the first place. Using listening statements can be a more effective way to show young individuals that you genuinely care about what they are going through and that you are there to listen to them. They don’t even require you to fix it, but they need a safe space to express their feelings. Feeling heard by someone is crucial for healthy communication and relationships. Building this safe space helps in future times of struggle because you are creating a foundation of trust.

Listening techniques:
1. BE FULLY PRESENT (Stop doing the dishes, turn off the TV; don’t just mute it.)
2. MAKE EYE CONTACT (Keep your eyes on them, whether they are looking at you or not.)
3. PAY ATTENTION (Look for other cues like body language, facial expressions, etc. How is this affecting them physically.)
4. REPEAT BACK WHAT YOU ARE HEARING (When they hear their words repeated back, a natural awareness and processing takes place in their brain.)
5. ASK OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS (Keep the conversation going, but don’t try to fix it.)
6. ACKNOWLEDGE (let them know how courageous they are for sharing, how proud you are of them talking about what feels so challenging, and express empathy.) 

In running focus groups on college campuses, I found that the number one source of pressure for young people was their parents. The data showed that their peers, teachers, and the world were not their greatest pressures. The pressure was there long before college. The pressure to live this expected vision of their parent's dreams for them rather than creating that from their own interests from childhood. Parents signed them up for soccer or dance because that’s what they did. They wanted them to go to college to have parental bragging rights, rather than hear what the child really wanted to be or do something else. What we say and how we react can make all the difference in a young person's life and future confidence in self-worth as they transition from teenager to young adult. As parents, our job is to create spaces for a child’s natural interests to evolve on their own and to foster and support the exploration in those areas.

Teenagers who recognize their self-worth will have a greater chance to find the courage to resist temptations that come their way. This will also enable them to be a source of encouragement for struggling friends. Even if you don’t suspect any problems, engaging in conversations lets them know that their opinions matter. In doing so, you might even learn something that helps you grow. 

During challenging times, demonstrating confidence and faith in our powerful God can have a profound impact on others who observe your resilience. Youth are perceptive; they observe how we handle our stress. Sharing your successful coping strategies can be particularly inspirational for those going through their own difficulties. Adolescence is a critical period for learning effective ways to handle stress, yet not all young people have the opportunity to develop these skills. As adults, especially parents, we can model these valuable behaviors in coping and dealing with stress in healthy forms for the next generation of believers. 

At the age of 9, my son struggled with depression and anxiety. We practiced meditation with instrumental music and focused on creative imagery. His body became relaxed, and he would fall asleep while we were in the middle of it. As an adult, he still uses these tools in times of unrest. Prayer and scripture should be on our list, but God also provides us with other resources that we can utilize.

1 Timothy 4:12 “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.” 

Always prioritize listening to young people's creative and innovative ideas about how to improve and make things work for them in their specific circumstances. Commit yourself to allowing them to express themselves and ensuring their voices are truly heard.

1 Peter 5:7 “Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”

Here are some helpful open-ended questions to initiate a meaningful conversation with a young person who may be struggling:

• Do you feel comfortable opening up to me?

• How are you coping with your feelings?

• How do you cope with overwhelming feelings?

• How are you managing your stress and pressure?

• How do you handle these moments?

• What do you think could help you?

• How can I help you?

• As a parent, how can I support you?
  

If they are battling anxiety, depression, or low self-worth, try to guide them purposefully.

• What are you passionate about?

• What gets you excited?

• What do you think will help you stay motivated and pursue your goals?

• What do you think will help you stay in a healthy place?

• What if we do a weekly check-in time together? Would that be okay?

The God of hope hears you and wants you near so that his peace can bring you through your storm to a greater purpose by the power of his Holy Spirit. Hope is not just trusting that God has your back, but hope is the confidence that God is with you and will not abandon you through it. He doesn’t always remove our struggles or emotional strongholds; instead, he shows us what he can do with us in it and through it. We don’t often see it unless we have a sense of purpose to drive us from it.

Romans 15:13 “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Encourage young people to join you in acts of kindness or in volunteering at church or in the community. Instead of telling them to find something to do, bring them along. Praise them for joining, even if it was hard for them to get off the couch. Acknowledge and praise them for small things, like taking a shower and brushing their teeth, which show self-care when they are not feeling their best. Invite them to watch the sunrise from the front porch early in the morning. You might be surprised how the beauty of nature can bring joy, even when happiness seems far away. Just a few minutes without distractions is a gift of complete presence and care for them. Be a source of hope for young people who need to know their worth, especially in difficult circumstances. Simply be present and show them that spending time with them is important to you and that you look forward to these moments. Meet them right where they are at, be the difference, and make a positive impact in someone else's life today!