Essentials In Friendship
Lisa’s Mother’s family: Mosca family and friends.
Growing up, I can count my close friends on one hand. The thought of letting someone know all of me, my dreams, flaws, and trauma scared me. Keeping friends at a safe distance seemed like the right thing to do. It created a place where I wasn’t put in vulnerable positions. They couldn’t use it to hurt or judge me if they didn't truly know me. I guarded myself from trusting others, even those closest to me. Secrets and hurt were bottled up inside throughout my childhood. My outer personality demonstrated a giggly, non-reactive, people-pleasing demeanor, while my insides were guarded and shoved deep down, making me feel dirty, ugly, and unworthy.
My friendships came and went because there was no deep connection. This sense of self-protection robbed me of experiencing a true, trustworthy, and meaningful friendship. I missed out on friends who would have walked alongside me in my troubles, celebrated my accomplishments, and grown together in our foundation of faith, supporting each other in our highs and lows. But I chose not to allow others into my heart. I missed opportunities that God may have put in my path to do His good works. I put myself in a cage of independence, separating me from God’s voice and the special people in my life.
Thirty-five years later, I find myself still learning how to let people in. On my journey, I came from a place of being closed to oversharing. I can get caught up in telling too much of what is inside because I no longer have room to fit anything else in that packed space inside of me.
Today, I have guidance from scripture to show me how essential friendships are. It can be difficult to let them in and receive forgiveness and prayer. It is downright uncomfortable for me. I am overwhelmed with emotions when I receive them. How great is my God that He should find me important enough to send a friend my way in a time of need. Sometimes, I convince myself my needs are not as important as others. This, my friend, is a lie!
Oh, the excitement and joy that comes from a friend who trusts my relationship with Jesus is strong enough that they ask for prayer. Let me come to battle for you and with you, for my prayer warrior armor is ready to be worn. Peace enters my heart when I can return a gentle expression of love and kindness when a friend or stranger is in need. There is comfort in knowing you are trustworthy enough that your friends seek your listening ear because they witness your faith walk. God created us to support one another. We read this in Genesis when God chose to create Adam and then created Eve, a helper and partner. (Genesis 2:22) David and Jonathan become best friends with a deep Godly connection. (1 Samuel 18:1) In the New Testament, Jesus calls his disciples sending them off two by two. (Mark 6:7) We are made for connectedness and togetherness.
Here are four areas essential to being a friend of Jesus to others.
1. Keep your eyes on God.
Be committed daily to biblical truth by reading scripture or growing spiritually through devotional direction. Make your relationship with God and His Son, Jesus Christ, front and center when you wake up, throughout your day, and when you rest your head at night a priority. Find an intimate, quiet time for intercession. What you put into your heart and mind will determine your first response. Who you keep your eyes on will determine where you turn to first and show by your actions and speech.
This friend has a direct line to their maker. They pray over you like you are sitting in the Billy Graham revival tent, and the demons are screaming as they are cast out by the assurance of their faith in Christ Jesus! Everybody needs at least one of these friends in their circle.
2 Chronicles 20:12 - Our God, will you not judge them? For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.”
2. Helper through intercession with accountability and prayer.
By your constant contact with God the Father and Christ Jesus, your heart is softened and capable of empathy for others. You see through forgiving eyes with an honorable and righteous heart. You confess your faults and pray for each other, holding each other accountable for how you live your life.
This is the friend God provides as a helper. Even knowing your sins, you can trust this friend with your most intimate self. This friend has faith healing by directing you to the source of God’s power through encouragement and prayer.
James 5:16 - Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
3. Growing together with expressive love.
You are influential when you express kindness and love toward others. Demonstrating your faith through the fruits of the Spirit fosters personal growth for both you and the other person. How you behave and react in love, regardless of how someone may wrong you, speaks volumes to those who witness it.
This friend is your supporter, slow to speak, and listens without a need to give unwanted advice. This friend loves without condition and demonstrates a humble heart towards you. This friend thrives in watching you grow in your faith and relationship with your maker. This friend loves you even when you are annoying and is not easily offended.
Ephesians 4:2 - Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
4. Thoughtful, Trustworthy, Team Builder
Some people are always there for you in times of need. They show up with a meal when you are sick, send flowers when you have lost a loved one, and often brighten your day with an encouraging card when you need it most. These thoughtful individuals are typically respectful and can be relied on during tough times.
One of these friends might organize a meal train for you when you have surgery. At the same time, another serves as your cheerleader, offering support and sending uplifting text messages to remind you of your importance. This kind of friend is always dependable, especially when you feel isolated and struggle to find someone who understands what you're going through. This friend is essential to help support you in your God-given purpose. They are part of your reliable circle of friends who are in it ride-or-die and have your back.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 - Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing
Perhaps special friends or family who have made a lasting impact on your life came to mind as you read each essential type of friendship. Praise God for those friends! Praise God for those who drifted in and out of your life and those who came and never left. Pray on behalf of others, recognizing how God wants to use you in someone’s life right now. Start with a simple act of encouragement to a friend who needs a cheerleader on the sidelines.
