Together Bonded by Faith
Helping each other through mentorship.
“The student is not above the teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like their teacher.” (Luke 6:40 NIV)
Fran Kocher (2023)
I know my neighbor wasn’t an ordinary woman. Sure, she engaged in everyday activities—like gardening, reading in her sunroom, listening to the radio by the fireplace, watching TV, attending women’s Bible study, a pastoral care team leader at her church, and doing household chores. These are the things that define us as ordinary people, I suppose. She often claimed to be just an ordinary person with a story like anyone else. However, I believe that being ordinary doesn’t build a kingdom. Ordinary women don’t typically take the time to share their faith and hold you accountable for becoming a kingdom builder yourself.
Fran lived two houses down from me, and she was in her early seventies when I first met her. We had some similarities that connected us: we were both in our second marriage and shared a love for our Savior. She would seize every opportunity to emphasize the importance of having a relationship with God and Jesus.
A few years into our relationship, she wouldn’t leave a conversation without expressing the importance of having a relationship with my spouse centered around God. Eventually, she would share her regrets and victories in Jesus with me regarding her relationship with her adult children. As our relationship grew, she never parted without a prayer, slipping in her desire for God to help me become an influence on my spouse and children, rooted in my deep faith and love for my Father in Heaven and my Savior, Jesus. Conversations with Fran never felt shorter than an hour. We could spend countless hours discussing our faith and how we apply it to our daily lives, the challenges we face, and our desires for a deeper relationship with God. She was always genuinely excited to hear about the spiritual growth taking place in my household.
Our friendship was completely natural, but it was anything but ordinary. It all began on a fall day when I invited Fran into my home for tea. My husband would often joke about how long her conversations were, but honestly, I looked forward to our talks. While he would seek a quick escape, I would invite her in to sit and have tea. I met her just before my mother had a brain aneurysm, and she became a second mother to me in many ways. With Fran, I could cry, laugh, express my frustrations, and learn all at the same time. In some ways, I also became a companion to her. She would feel safe in sharing intimate things with me honestly. Over time, we built a strong trust. Fran was a spiritual advisor, and I knew her heart and soul craved a purpose in building God’s kingdom. This ordinary woman from down the street was truly anything but ordinary.
How she read and explained Scripture shaped my understanding of truth. These times would light a fire inside, I wanted more. Her demonstrations of generosity served as examples of giving that went beyond mere financial gifts. As she grew in her faith, she encouraged me to explore different faith communities. She would tell me that you can never fully know or understand everything in the Bible, so it’s essential to keep challenging yourself and expanding your understanding of what you think you already know. Her sympathetic character showed a level of empathy that extended beyond myself.
Fran is now in her 90s and resides in a memory care home several hours away. I find myself grieving as our spiritual relationship comes to an end. The reality was that her memory and mobility were becoming an issue. I must now follow in her footsteps and share what I have learned. Fran and I were bonded by our faith, helping each other through mentorship. The baton has been passed, and I need to find the courage to become an asset to someone else, teaching what I have learned and striving to be other than an ordinary woman.
Here is the A.S.S.E.T. that I learned:
1. ACTIVE LISTENING
Get to know and learn about the people God puts in your life. Even if just for a brief moment. Listen and show guidance without advice. Ask questions. Learning about what is going on for others can help guide you in your relationship about what to share and when to share it. It takes practice. I can beat myself up sometimes when I share too much too soon. The key is to learn from it. Less of you is more of Jesus.
2. SPIRITUAL MATURITY
What does your relationship look like with God and Jesus?
How do you respond to the actions, mistakes, and words of others?
How do you respond to stress and struggles?
How do you demonstrate spiritual growth and renewal?
“For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age,” (Titus 2:11-12 NIV)
3. SUPPORT
In prayer, help hold up someone through God’s strength. Express encouragement toward change and growth in their faith walk and other areas of their life. Help when needed without enabling and have the wisdom to know the difference. Be present! Be a cheerleader for the gifts you recognize God has given them and encourage them to use them for His good.
4. EXAMPLE
Live out your faith, demonstrating that you are following Jesus through your actions and words. Be an example of what it means to grow in faith and expand God's kingdom. Have your own mentor while you mentor others.
This is not always easy because we are imperfect people. When you yourself fall short, and your flaws show on the surface, confess and be vulnerable. This could be the very thing that builds trust and openness in your relationships. Humility is a step toward a heart of change and forgiveness. Show them you need Jesus too!
“Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:9 NIV)
5. TRUST
Building trust requires vulnerability. Trust in the Lord and let Him be your guide. What is useful and valuable to share? What resources can you offer when it is beyond your experience or knowledge? Do not lead on your own understanding, but always in the Lord and His Word. Always keep the things they share with you confidential. Offer guidance if something becomes a safety issue. Trust is built over time, not overnight.
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.” (Jeremiah 17:7 NIV)
Having a trusted mentor is as important as being a trusted mentor.
Who is God calling you to bond together in faith with?
WANT TO DIG DEEPER?
Read: Titus 2
The influence of older women in guiding and mentoring younger women plays a significant role in shaping lives rooted in godly character and virtue. By sharing wisdom and experiences, mentors can inspire the next generation to embrace faith values that are meaningful and impactful.
Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.comThe “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™
